Naruto and the Rocky Horror Picture Show
by Crimson Siyrean
Summary: Much to their own horror, the teens are forced to play out the roles in Rocky Horror in a tradition that's gone back generations, while the Jounin get to watch and call from the audiance, like what happened to them in there day. much crack within.


.

Summary: Much to their own horror, the teens are forced to play out the roles in Rocky Horror in a tradition that's gone back generations. Their sensei's and the other shinobi who've already undergone the horrific experience, get to play the crowd and heckle them as much as they were heckled in their day.

A/N: Warning, much crack within. Though the kids don't have a choice in acting it out, it's not just them rereading the script with the callbacks included. they certainly don't like being forced into this, so they add lib and fight it at every turn, while the Jounin kill themselves laughing from the isle as they attempt to torture their students as much as possible.

That said, anyone who goes to Rocky Horror actual shadow casts knows the show is a hell of a lot dirtier when you include the call backs. This fic will have **a lot** of swearing and sexual innuendo. knowing the movie really is needed to fully enjoy this fic, seriously, check out your local shadowcasts, they're great fun.

Actual lines from the movie will be in _"italics",_ so your not confused with the call backs or alterations_._

.

* * *

.

.

Genma and Raidou had been enjoying their lunch together on the steps to the Hokage tower, an afternoon ritual for the two when they weren't away on mission, and discussing the recent news that the entire village was afire with. Not only had Sasuke Uchiha returned, but he was being pardoned for his defection of the village. Apparently treason was acceptable if you took out three S class enemies to the state in the process. But as the discussion wore on, Genma could tell that the slowly dawning look of horror contorting his friends face, wasn't from the recent news… he was starting to identify the feeling too. _That_ jutsu was once again returning.

Genma smirked when it hit him. "Well shit."

"Yeah," Raidou replied, his eyes suddenly gleaming with something akin to mirth, though the usually quiet man would never admit to it.

They both stood up in time. "I think it's in the tower."

Raidou nodded in agreement, and before any onlookers could blink, the two had vanished into the building.

.

"Hey lady, could I have-" She stuffed yet another in her mouth. "Some more of these dango's here?" came Anko's muffled voice. She then picked up her glass and took a deep gulp, nearly choking when she felt _it_ wash over her. The woman's eyes widened and she startled everyone around her as a loud cackle found its way out of her throat.

"Screw the dango," she yelled to her server. "Just bring me a large bowl of rice – uncooked. And make it quick!"

.

Hana was just dropping off a mission statement when she felt it. _The rookies!_ Her mind screamed. A moment later and she was racing up the stairway to the Hokage's office.

"You too, Hana?" Izumo asked as he and Kotetsu fell in step beside the woman.

"My brother's in there," she replied quickly with out shifting her eyes from her rout. "I'm not missing this for the world."

.

.

Meanwhile behind the Hokage's door, a large group of shinobi stood staring silently across at their returned classmate. The rookie nine, team Gai, team Kakashi, Tsunade, Shizune, Jiraiya, and Sasuke were all gathered round. Reintegration would be a delicate process but it was obvious team seven couldn't be happier and even the Uchiha himself, seemed well not necessarily happy, but at least relieved to be back in the village.

"Obviously, Sasuke, for the time being we can't fully trust-" Tsunade paused with a frown. It was a familiar tingling she felt, but she couldn't quite place it.

Sasuke stiffened, his stance becoming instantly alert. Neji too and a few of the other teens followed suit as they too felt the strange feeling.

"That's not…" Shizune trailed off, turning pale.

"What?" Sasuke demanded, now taking in the strange looks appearing on all the adults faces. "What's going on? What is this?"

Kakashi turned to the weary teens with his eye crinkled happily. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about. Someone's just set _that_ jutsu off. We'll be immune to it."

Tsunade coughed, before clenching her fists tightly on her desk. She did not need _this_ of all things, now.

"Immune?" Sakura asked, confused.

"Well, er, not you, us," Shizune stated in an awkward voice. "You see, uh-" All eyes were on her. "Well, you guys are virgins, so…"

Nearly every one of the teen's mouths dropped at her proclamation, and those who's didn't, felt their face flush bright red.

Tenten snorted. "I doubt that."

"Yeah," added Kiba. "We're not exactly kids anymore."

Jiraiya smirked from the corner in which he'd been standing. _This was all too good to be true. So much material!_

"That's not what she meant," Tsunade ground out through clenched teeth. "She meant virgins to this particular jutsu. You, _kids,_ are going to be for quite the ride for the next few hours."

"Huh?" asked Naruto, watching as the room erupted into a soft mumble of murmurs. "Well what kind of jutsu is it?"

"The best kind!" came a shout from the window. Everyone turned to see Anko, Raidou, and Genma jump through into the already crowded room. "I see we just made it in time," Genma called while grabbing a chair for him self.

"Anko! Excellent, I see you brought rice!" Gai nearly yelled and taking a handful for himself.

"Of course! It'll be nice to be on the other side of it for once."

Shizune huffed, remembering having to play the lead. "You guys had it easy."

"Shizune's still scarred from seeing Kakashi in heals and garters," Anko said, giving the masked man a nudge.

Kakashi merely shrugged. "It wasn't so bad. I got to keep the costume."

"Not so bad?" Raidou asked incredulously. "Do you know how long it took to get the image of Gai in a gold Speedo out from being burned into the back of my eyes?"

Everyone looked to him sympathetically, all except the teens who were growing more and more confused/intrigued/scared by the minute. With the new arrivals, it seemed they were being steadily ignored and all their attempts to interrupt and get a straight answer fell of deaf ears.

"Could be worse, in my day I had Jiraiya," Tsunade said, staring off nostalgically and starting to feel the mood lighten a bit. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad for them after all.

The white haired man in the corner bristled. "That wasn't half as scary as seeing how much Orochimaru enjoyed the heals and corset combo."

"Or how good his legs looked in it," added the Hokage.

"I don't know," said Genma, giving his senbon a thoughtful swish. "Kakashi really does have great legs. Well defined."

"And when were you checking out his legs, what with all the elbow sex we were having?" All heads turned to see Hana come through the door, followed closely by the two gate Chunnin. "So when's this party starting?"

"Soon, I think," Tsunade answered. "We should be blacking out any mome-"

.

.

"I can't believe this!" Sakura screeched to her equally peeved teammates. "Why doesn't she stop it? She's the Hokage, surly there's some counter to this jutsu."

"It's not that big a deal, Sakura," Naruto said, glancing at the first few pages of his script. "I mean, all it makes us do, is act out this play, right? And in a few hours, it'll be over and never have to worry about it again."

"Use your head, Naruto. Did it sound like it was just a simple play?" Sasuke snapped at his newly reunited teammates.

"It sounded like it will be humiliating," Sakura seethed. "And from what is says here, if we refuse to act out our parts, we will be '_compelled_' to do so by the jutsu. Basically, if we just go along with it, we don't have to follow the script as long as we keep to the, um, spirit. However, the more we struggle, the less control we have."

.

"But it doesn't seem like all the parts are that bad," Tenten said, reading over their notes again. "From what I can gather, Neji and I are in the principle cast but not the actual leads. That has to be a good thing. And Lee gets to be chorus."

"Hurrah!" Lee shouted, giving his best thumbs up. "I shall cheer you on from the sides and be the loudest there is. And even though I do not have a principle role, I shall still strive to make the most of it for there are no small parts, only small actors!"

Neji looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And you're sure we're not allowed to switch parts?"

.

"And there's absolutely no switching parts at all, you say?" clarified Kiba. Shino nodded silently. "This sucks, I'm barely in it at all!"

"Some would consider that a blessing," Shino stated.

Hinata swallowed loudly, feeling her body tremble. "So, I'm stuck as the lead then."

.

"From the looks of it, this jutsu is actually somewhat sentient, which is just creepy in it's self, if you ask me."

"What makes you say that?" asked Chouji.

Shikamaru sighed. "Well, for started, it seems to actually take into account everyone's personalities, or their desires, or in some cases, just the size of the rod shoved up their-"

"At least we don't have to memorize lines, apparently they just come to us. Whatever that means." Ino waved her hand, flippantly. "I bet my parts larger than Sakura's."

.

"Sakura," Sasuke called from behind his dressing room door and sounding extremely peeved. "I think it gave me your costume by mistake."

Sakura frowned as she put some finishing touches on her make up. "Sorry Sasuke," she called back to him. "I'm already in mine and it's definitely mine."

"Could you check if the other girls have theirs?" his muffled voice called again.

"Well that's weird," she mumbled under her breath. And then it hit her and her face immediately turned red. "Um, Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Um, yours wouldn't involve heals, would it?" There was no answer. "And garters, like Kakashi sensei mentioned?" Still no answer. "Or maybe a corset? Like Tsuna-"

"Shit."

.

.

Out in the theater, all the shinobi that had rushed over when they felt the tell tale signs of the best, and most powerful, prank jutsu ever created, were taking their seats in avid anticipation. The jutsu was so powerful that it even managed to convert the Hokage's tower temporarily into a fully functioning theater. Everywhere you could hear people making bets on who landed which parts, and how things would play out.

"Ah, the little tykes have all grown up, it seems," Gai said, somberly to his rival by his side.

"We all went through it, Gai," Kakashi answered with a smile. "I'm actually looking forward to this. After everything that's been going on, they could use something to just loosen up a bit."

"Yeah," Anko said, leaning over from her seat behind him. "And I bet you plan to make it every bit as humiliating for them as it was for you, right?"

"Of course," he answered simply.

And with that, the lights went out, the curtain went up, and the music began.

.

.

Sakura wasn't a girl that scared easily, or so she always liked to believe. But to be the first one out, with the opening number of this _very_ questionable jutsu prank, well needless to say, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't scared. Her sensei was out there, her _Hokage _was out there_,_ as well as many other highly ranked Jounin and those she respected. The only thing keeping her from bolting to the door was the knowledge that the only way one could see one of these performances, was by having performed one yourself in the past. And, well, hearing that Kakashi sensei had been in garters and heals also made her feel just a little better.

Plus, she'd be willing to kill to see what Sasuke looked like right now. And with that final thought spurring her on, Sakura stepped out onto the stage, flashlight in hand, confection box hanging from neck, and got ready to sing.

The crowd erupted as she took her place. "Wow, Sakura got lucky, pulling the easy role," Jiraiya said to Tsunade, as he eyed her skimpy costume with approvel.

The woman smirked. "That depends of your perspective. I've got a feeling she might not agree later on."

Sakura had an ok voice, nothing special, but if singing a song was all she had to do, she could live. With one final deep breath, she began. "_Michael Rennie was ill, The Day the Earth Stood still."_

What she hadn't expected, was for the audience to join in, _creatively_.

_"But he told us-"_

"To fuck off," Anko yelled.

Sakura frowned for a second but then continued on, pegging it down to Anko being Anko._"-where we stand._"

"On our feet!" Gai yelled.

"On our knees," Kakashi corrected. 

"_And Flash Gordon was there, in-_"

"Crotch-less!_"_

"_-underwear._"

_"_Pervert!_"_

_Now really, was he going to yell all through this?_ Sakura wondered, feeling the beginnings of an urge to strangle her sensei. "_Claude Rains was the Invisible Man._"

_"_How did you know?_"_ Kakashi asked.

"He fucked me!" Anko yelled in reply.

Sakura paused for a moment to just stare at the crowd in disbelief.

"It's ok Sakura," Tsunade yelled. "It's just part of the show. Just ignore them."

_This was insane_, the girl thought to herself. _They're all insane, and I'm insane for doing this._ But then she'd taken to long for the next line and something inside of her just forced the lyrics out. "_Then something went wrong, For Fay Wray-_"

"Fucked_ King Kong,"_ Genma yelled.

"_They got caught in a-_"

"Sexual_."_

"_-Jam._" Genma caught her eye and smirked.

_"_Yay jam!_"_ That time it was Gai.

"_Then at a deadly pace, It Came From..._"

"Where?" the crowd yelled.

"_Outer Space,_" Sakura continued, trying desperately to retain her cool.

_"_Thank you!_"_

_Well wasn't that nice of them_… "_And this is how the message ran: Science fiction, double feature. Doctor X-_"

"_Sex, sex, sex,"_ the room chorused between her line.

"_Will build a creature. See androids fighting-_"

"And fucking and sucking on_."_

No, she did not just see her shishou say that…"_Brad and Janet. Anne Francis stars in-_"

_"_Deep Throat, a sequel to._"_

_This was getting really old, really fast_, she thought bitterly but continued on, not that she had a choice. "_Forbidden Planet. Oh, oh, oh, oh. At the late night, double feature, picture show_."

"You know, Sakura," Jiraiya yelled. "Typically the confection girl gives us a little warm up show, if you know what I mean."

Sakura blinked, while Tsunade smacked him across the head.

The next verse went pretty much the same as the first, with the pink haired girl growing more and more concerned for the Jounin's mental state in the village. "_I wanna go. Oh, oh, oh. To the late night-_"

"Early morning._"_

"_Double feature-"_

"Rocky Horror._"_

"_Picture show. By RKO._"

_"_R-K-Who?_"_

Sakura really didn't care at this point. "_Oh, oh, oh. To the late night-_"

"Early morning._"_

"_Double feature-_"

"Rocky Horror._"_

"_Picture show-_"

Genma stood up from the back. _"_Where's the best place to fuck?_"_

"_In the back row,_" Sakura continued her line, just wanting it to be over.

Then Kakashi stood up and turned. _"_Fuck the Back Row!"

So Genma yelled, _"_Fuck the front row!_"_

_"_We fucked you first!_"_ Kakashi answered.

"We fucked you harder!"

Then Anko stood up. _"_Orgy in the middle!_"_

Sakura shook her head. "I'll just let you have at it, shall I?" She would never be able to look at her sensei the same way again.

.

Sakura pushed her way passed Hinata and Sai, who were about to make there way on stage, in a near murderous rage. "Oh I can't believe we're stuck in this crazy, ridiculous- I mean what kind of village allows a jutsu like this to exist without coming up with a counter? We're all vulnerable while this is going on! What if there's an enemy attack!"

"Calm down, Sakura. It's not that bad," Naruto said. "I mean, it's not like there's anything they can do." The boy then backed up a few steps as he recognized the look that came over her, knowing it was best to stay out of fist range at that point.

"You don't get it. They're-" She emphasized, making it clear she was referring to the audience. "Not helping. In fact, they're doing everything in their power to make this as humiliated as humanly possible. And on top of that!"

Naruto flinch, taking another step back.

"They're all a bunch of perverts!"

"Well at least your parts done then," Shikamaru said, walking past the two to find a seat. He wasn't due up till close to the end. "You don't have to do anything till the closing."

"I don't?" Sakura asked, calming down immediately.

"No. You're allowed to go watch from the audience now if you want, so quit your complaining."

If she could watch from the audience then… that meant she could laugh at the rest of her class along with their sensei's as well as see Sasuke's costume! Maybe this wouldn't be so bad…

Speaking of costumes… "Naruto?" The boy looked up. "What are you wearing? Is that your costume?"

He basically had a bath robe on. "Um, this? No. I just don't want to get cold and all. Heh…"

Sakura gave him a queer look but decided she'd see soon enough anyways. "And Sasuke?"

"He refuses to leave the dressing room."

"You can't fight the jutsu. I already tried."

"Well then it'll force him out. But he's not coming by choice."

Sakura grinned. If the likes of Orochimaru and Kakashi couldn't beat the jutsu, she highly doubted Sasuke could. Guess it was time to take her seat.

.

Taking the seat beside Kakashi, mainly so she he'd be in fist range should she so feel the desire, she smirked at his surprised face and asked what was going on, since she'd missed the beginning to the next scene.

"Sai's playing Brad and Hinata's Janet. Not surprised about Hinata, but Sai should be interesting. Right now Kiba's getting married to Akumaru-" At her incredulous face, he clarified. "Not enough people to fill the parts, its background for this one scene."

Sakura was about to open her mouth to ask more, since the crowed had apparently dubbed Sai, asshole, and Hinata, slut, when a loud chorus of, "Who's got the clap." Followed by everyone clapping, brought her attention back to the stage just in time to see Hinata catch Akumaru's bouquet and say, "I got it!" And then turn instantly red.

Kakashi grinned. "You see. You had it easy."

.

Why were they doing this? Hinata thought desperately. They were being so mean! It was bad enough they were forced into this but did the Jounin really have to be so enthusiastic? She even saw Kurenai sitting in the back, smiling encouragingly at her when she came on stage. This was a nightmare. And Anko was getting rice in her hair.

She was also starting to realize why Sakura had been so mad when she finished her scene. The audiances, _edits_, were something else, and horribly inappropriate. Well at lease Sai seemed to be unpeturbed.

_So asshole, is like my nickname,_ Sai thought after the audience yelled it at him for the third time. _So that means, Hinata's is slut_. The boy smiled. It was nice that the two of them would have these bonds with the audience.

"_I really love the..._" Sai paused.

"Starts with an S, asshole,_"_ Tenzou yelled.

Sai smiled. They really did like him. "_Skillful way-_"

"What a fuckin' genius!_"_

"_You beat the other girls..._"

"With whips and chains_,"_ Anko yelled as Hinata paled.

"_To the bride's bouquet._"

"And that too," Kakashi sighed.

"_O-oh, Brad,_" Hinata stuttered.

"Hey, maybe she is getting into this?" Jiraiya asked, only to be smacked again.

_"The river was deep but I swam it."_

"_Janet_," the crowd chorused.

_"The future is ours so let's plan it."_

"_Janet_."

_"So please, don't tell me to can it."_

"_Janet_."

_"I've one thing to say and that's, Dammit, Janet-"_

"I want to screw,_"_ Genma yelled. Sai turned his head to the side in contemplation, while Hinata took a hesitant step back.

"_The road was long but I ran it._"

_"_Backwards!_"_

_There's a fire in my heart and you fan it._

"_Janet_."

_If there's one fool for you then I am it._

"_Janet_."

Sai drew a heart on the back drop's door. "_I've one thing to say and that's-"  
_

"Only, assholes, write on doors."

_They must like my work,_ he thought fondly. "_Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker. There's three ways that love can woo_."

"42, 69, Hike!_"_ Sakura leaned over to stare at her shishou. "I'll tell you when you're older," the woman said to her.

"_That's good, bad, or mediocre._"

"How do you spell slut?_"_ Shizune called.

"_Oh, J-A-N-E-T-_"

"I want a blow._"_ Hinata's head turned_. Shizune?_

Red faced, and about ready to keel over, Hinata steeled her self up for her lines. _"Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had._"

"_Oh Brad_."

"_Now we're engaged and I'm so glad._"

"_Oh Brad_."

"_That-_"

Anko stood. "...you fuck Mom and you blow Dad."

Hinata's eyes widened. How on earth could she do this! "_I-I've one th-thing to say and that's Brad, I'm m, mad, for you too. Oh! Brad..._"

"Oh...shit._"_

"_I'm –_"

"Pregnant._"_

"_Oh..._ shit."

"Sai, that's not supposed to be your line!" Tenzou called.

Sai shrugged. "_There's one thing left to do - ah - oo. And that's go see the man who began it._"

"_Janet."_

_"When we met in his science exam – it._"

"What the fuck's an exam it?"

"I don't know," Sai answered blankly.

Tenzou smacked his face. "That's not your line, either."

_Then, why did they ask?_ he wondered, growing more perplexed._ "Now I've one thing to say and that's-"_

"Fuck off, bitch._"_

Oh, he knew how this next part went. Sai stood up strieght and announced, "I want to screw."

"Sai, that's not your line!" the entire first row yelled.

Sai just shrugged, as Hinata tugged his hand. "The song's done, lets just go," she said pulling him off, feeling completely mortified.

Sakura giggled as she watched the pair leave the stage in a hurry. This really was turning out to be fun and she couldn't wait to see what was up next. The scene suddenly changed and she heard Kurenai call from the back, "The man you're about to see has no fucking neck."

"Where's your fucking neck," Raidou asked.

"In his other fucking suit," Genma answered, just as Shino walked out on to the stage.

Sakura nearly doubled over in laughter.

.

* * *

.


End file.
